Support Gaslighting Is Real — Here's How to Shut It Down

"You must have misunderstood our policy."

"That's not how our system works."

"I understand you're frustrated, but..."

Sound familiar?

You're not imagining it. Support gaslighting is real, and it's more common than you think.

What Is Support Gaslighting?

Support gaslighting is when customer service representatives use psychological manipulation to:

• Make you question your own memory or understanding
• Shift blame onto you for the company's mistakes
• Minimize the severity of your problem
• Create doubt about whether your complaint is valid
• Wear you down emotionally until you give up

It's not always intentional. Many agents are trained in these tactics without realizing they're being manipulative.

The 7 Most Common Support Gaslighting Tactics

1. "You Must Have Misunderstood"

What they say: "I think there might be some confusion about our policy." What they mean: "You're wrong, and I'm going to make you doubt yourself." The reality: They're rewriting your experience to fit their narrative.

2. "That's Not How Our System Works"

What they say: "Our system doesn't allow that kind of error." What they mean: "Your problem doesn't exist because our system is perfect." The reality: Systems fail all the time, and they know it.

3. "I Understand You're Frustrated, But..."

What they say: "I can hear how upset you are, but let me explain..." What they mean: "You're being emotional and irrational." The reality: They're trying to make your valid frustration seem like a character flaw.

4. "Let Me Clarify What Actually Happened"

What they say: "I want to make sure we're on the same page about the sequence of events." What they mean: "I'm going to rewrite history to make us look better." The reality: They're creating an alternative version of events.

5. "That's Not What I'm Seeing in Our Records"

What they say: "According to our system, that didn't happen." What they mean: "Your memory is wrong, and our records are infallible." The reality: Records can be wrong, incomplete, or manipulated.

6. "I Think You May Have Confused Us With Another Company"

What they say: "We don't have any record of that interaction." What they mean: "You're making this up or confusing us with someone else." The reality: They're trying to make you doubt your own experience.

7. "I'm Sorry You Feel That Way"

What they say: "I apologize that you're feeling frustrated." What they mean: "I'm not sorry for what we did, just sorry you're upset about it." The reality: This is a non-apology that shifts focus to your emotions, not their actions.

Why Companies Use These Tactics

Support gaslighting isn't accidental. It's a calculated strategy designed to:

• Reduce liability by making customers doubt their own experiences
• Minimize refunds by making problems seem smaller than they are
• Wear down customers until they give up on their complaints
• Protect the company by shifting blame to the customer
• Create plausible deniability about systemic issues

The Emotional Impact

Being gaslit by support can have real psychological effects:

• Self-doubt: You start questioning whether your problem is real
• Anger and frustration: You feel crazy for being upset about "nothing"
• Helplessness: You feel like you can't win against an invisible system
• Isolation: You feel like no one believes your experience
• Exhaustion: The emotional labor of defending your reality is draining

How to Recognize When You're Being Gaslit

Red Flags in Support Conversations:

• You find yourself constantly defending your memory
• You start questioning whether your problem is "really that bad"
• You feel like you're going crazy or being irrational
• The agent keeps changing the subject back to your emotions
• You feel like you have to prove your experience is valid
• You start apologizing for being upset

The Gaslighting Test:

Ask yourself: "Would I accept this behavior from a friend or family member?"

If the answer is no, you're probably being gaslit.

How to Shut Down Support Gaslighting

1. Document Everything

Keep records of: - What actually happened (with dates and times) - What the agent said vs. what they said they said - Promises made and broken - Evidence of the original problem

2. Use "I" Statements

Instead of: "You're lying about what happened" Try: "I have documentation showing that X happened on Y date"

Instead of: "You're trying to confuse me" Try: "I'm confused by the conflicting information I'm receiving"

3. Refuse to Engage With the Narrative

When they say: "I think there's some confusion" You respond: "There's no confusion. Here are the facts: [list them]"

When they say: "That's not how our system works" You respond: "Regardless of how your system is supposed to work, here's what actually happened: [documentation]"

4. Call Out the Behavior Directly

"I notice you keep suggesting I'm confused about what happened. I have clear documentation of the facts. Can we focus on resolving the actual problem?"

"I understand you're trying to help, but repeatedly questioning my memory isn't helpful. Let's stick to the facts."

5. Escalate Immediately

Don't waste time trying to reason with someone who's gaslighting you. Go straight to someone with real authority.

The Power of Executive Escalation

Here's why escalating to executives works so well against gaslighting:

1. Executives Don't Have Time for Games

They're too busy to waste time on psychological manipulation. They want facts, solutions, and results.

2. Executives Understand Liability

They know that gaslighting customers can create legal and PR problems. They're more likely to address the real issue.

3. Executives Have Real Authority

They can actually fix problems instead of just deflecting them.

4. Executives Care About Reputation

They understand that gaslighting customers creates bad publicity and lost business.

The Escalation Email That Stops Gaslighting

Here's a template that cuts through the manipulation:

Subject: Formal Complaint - Gaslighting by Support Team

Body:

Dear [Executive Name],

I am writing to formally complain about gaslighting behavior by your support team regarding [your issue].

**Summary of the Problem:**
[Brief description of your original issue]

**Documentation of Gaslighting:**
- [Date]: Agent [Name] claimed "that's not how our system works" despite clear evidence to the contrary
- [Date]: Agent [Name] repeatedly suggested I was "confused" about events I have documented
- [Date]: Agent [Name] attempted to rewrite the sequence of events to shift blame to me

**Evidence of Original Problem:**
[Include documentation, screenshots, receipts, etc.]

**Requested Resolution:**
[What you want them to do]

I am not confused, emotional, or mistaken about what happened. I have clear documentation of the facts. I am requesting that someone with real authority address the actual problem instead of attempting to manipulate me into questioning my own experience.

Thank you for your attention to this matter.

Best regards,
[Your name]

Why This Approach Works

1. It Names the Behavior

Calling out gaslighting directly makes it harder for them to continue the manipulation.

2. It Provides Documentation

Facts are harder to gaslight than emotions.

3. It Escalates to Real Authority

Executives are less likely to engage in psychological manipulation.

4. It Creates a Paper Trail

Documenting gaslighting behavior can protect you legally and help other customers.

The Bottom Line

Support gaslighting is real, but you don't have to accept it.

The key is recognizing the tactics, refusing to engage with the manipulation, and escalating to someone who has real authority to help.

Remember: Your experience is valid. Your feelings are justified. Your problem is real.

Don't let them make you doubt yourself.

Ready to stop being gaslit and start getting real results? DearCEO.wtf can help you escalate to executives who don't have time for psychological games.